What If We Start Again?

Trying, last week was very, very trying.  Working with animals can do that to a person’s week. I received a phone call from my boss informing me that Asha, a pit bull who was abandoned at our clinic about a year ago, bullied her way out of a run (broke out) and attacked and killed one of our clinic dogs.....Scamp.  Now Asha has had a track record of not particularly liking other dogs very much…especially those dogs who try to dominate her.  She’s an Alpha Female.  We all know this so we all keep a close eye on her.  She’s busted out of cages/runs before, and we have spent countless hours re-doing, remodeling, and adding new runs but to no avail.  We have even tried adopting her out to responsible people, but had no takers.  Ever.  No one wants a pit bull with dog fight scars.  Even if the dog fighting scars on her were caused by another dog that attacked her first.  This, of course, is according to the man who abandoned her at our clinic.  He was a shady guy to begin with.  Never coming back for Asha just verified his shadiness.  

Her action resulted in our doctor having to make a very hard decision.  We had to put her down.  She was a liability to our clinic.  We tried a few pit-bull rescues, but no one would help.  I cannot blame them, really.  They don’t want a liability like that either.  It’s just plain sad.  Most of us stayed with her during her euthanasia.  I wept and held onto her.  It just isn't fair.  I don't blame Asha.  I blame the man who used to own her for not teaching her how to behave as a puppy.  I blame those people out there who breed these animals to have an ingrown instinct to attack other animals.  I blame them, those sickos.  I don't blame Asha.  I never will.  I never could.  Dogs only behave the way they were raised.  I know plenty of pit-bulls who don't attack other dogs.  Plenty.    

In a sense I feel as though we failed Asha and Scamp.  I feel like I failed them.  I should have tried harder to find a home for Asha.  I should have tried to teach her to get along with other dogs better.  I should have worked with her more.  I should have asked to take her out on walks around town.  I should have taught Scamp not to pick fights with dogs way bigger than himself.  I realize this all sounds silly.  They weren't my dogs.  I shouldn’t place the world on my shoulders.  Not everything is my fault.  Her death was stupid.  Scamp's death was stupid.  It was all stupid.  It shouldn’t have happened.  And yet it did.  

Her death will forever be a reminder to me of what it is I stand for....of what I one day hope to achieve.  Her death will also forever remind me that this world isn't my home, and one day I will see her again.  I will see her and Scamp again.

All this time
I can make it right
With one more try
Can we start again?
In my eyes,
You can see it now,
Can we start again, can we start again?
~Red ' Start Again'

Artwork by Yuumei on Deviantart.  Here is a link to her page:

http://yuumei.deviantart.com/

Oh, Decisions!

So I’ve got a dilemma here: I don’t know what I want to do now that I’ve graduated college.  Quite literally I’m at a loss.  I like my job well enough.  Heck, it’s a nice job at times but….I want a real job!  I want to be my own boss.  I want to own a business.  I want to make a difference in people's lives.  I want to help people.  Actually help them.  Man.  I’m considering going back to school and getting a Master's degree.  In what?  I have no earthly idea.  I’m taking a semester off so that I can hopefully figure this out.  A Bachelor’s degree isn’t going to cut it.  I’ve decided that much already.  I just flat don’t know what I want to do.  That is a problem. 

Dark Night of the Soul

...

A Sirius Predicament

“You’re a sucker, Fruit Bat.”

A fellow employee informed me today after I took in yet another sick animal for free.  Yes, perhaps I am a sucker.  It’s most assuredly not the first time I have been accused of such a thing.  Fortunately, I realize this.  The thing is….I don’t see it that way.  I have a big heart; a big, fat, mushy, bleeding heart.  I literally cannot help it.  Everyone at works knows this already.  Some of them, when an animal such as Sirius comes through, do not even tell me about it.  Instead they send the citizen on their way to the animal shelter to save me from taking it in.   True, many of the people who come into our clinic with sick animals just flat don’t want to pay for any treatment and expect us to either take the animal off their hands or give them everything for free, but there are a few who just can’t afford it.  I can’t really say for sure where Sirius falls in this category.  All I know is that I was sought out and asked to come to the front to look at a very, very sick kitten.  Well of course everyone knew how that was going to end.  I took him home.  But not before spending a good part of the day ensuring that he had at least three feet firmly back in the land of the living.  I still won’t allow myself to make any promises.  He’s still pretty darn bad off.  You never know though.  Miracles are wonderful things.  They happen most unexpectedly. 

Prayers for the little guy.