What If We Start Again?

Trying, last week was very, very trying.  Working with animals can do that to a person’s week. I received a phone call from my boss informing me that Asha, a pit bull who was abandoned at our clinic about a year ago, bullied her way out of a run (broke out) and attacked and killed one of our clinic dogs.....Scamp.  Now Asha has had a track record of not particularly liking other dogs very much…especially those dogs who try to dominate her.  She’s an Alpha Female.  We all know this so we all keep a close eye on her.  She’s busted out of cages/runs before, and we have spent countless hours re-doing, remodeling, and adding new runs but to no avail.  We have even tried adopting her out to responsible people, but had no takers.  Ever.  No one wants a pit bull with dog fight scars.  Even if the dog fighting scars on her were caused by another dog that attacked her first.  This, of course, is according to the man who abandoned her at our clinic.  He was a shady guy to begin with.  Never coming back for Asha just verified his shadiness.  

Her action resulted in our doctor having to make a very hard decision.  We had to put her down.  She was a liability to our clinic.  We tried a few pit-bull rescues, but no one would help.  I cannot blame them, really.  They don’t want a liability like that either.  It’s just plain sad.  Most of us stayed with her during her euthanasia.  I wept and held onto her.  It just isn't fair.  I don't blame Asha.  I blame the man who used to own her for not teaching her how to behave as a puppy.  I blame those people out there who breed these animals to have an ingrown instinct to attack other animals.  I blame them, those sickos.  I don't blame Asha.  I never will.  I never could.  Dogs only behave the way they were raised.  I know plenty of pit-bulls who don't attack other dogs.  Plenty.    

In a sense I feel as though we failed Asha and Scamp.  I feel like I failed them.  I should have tried harder to find a home for Asha.  I should have tried to teach her to get along with other dogs better.  I should have worked with her more.  I should have asked to take her out on walks around town.  I should have taught Scamp not to pick fights with dogs way bigger than himself.  I realize this all sounds silly.  They weren't my dogs.  I shouldn’t place the world on my shoulders.  Not everything is my fault.  Her death was stupid.  Scamp's death was stupid.  It was all stupid.  It shouldn’t have happened.  And yet it did.  

Her death will forever be a reminder to me of what it is I stand for....of what I one day hope to achieve.  Her death will also forever remind me that this world isn't my home, and one day I will see her again.  I will see her and Scamp again.

All this time
I can make it right
With one more try
Can we start again?
In my eyes,
You can see it now,
Can we start again, can we start again?
~Red ' Start Again'

Artwork by Yuumei on Deviantart.  Here is a link to her page:

http://yuumei.deviantart.com/